I received the call this morning. Grandma died. Last night at about 2:00, grandma died.

I can't stop thinking about her passing this morning. It's curious that a mere breath separates living from dead, family from ancestor, hero from saint.

She was a hero to me. She was a hero because of the way she, without a question in her mind, always dignified my grandfather. She was a hero because of the way she cherished and strove to emulate my Great Aunt Rete's unconditional positive regard for every person on the planet. She was a hero because she was really, truly a christian, one who was shocked whenever confronted with the intolerance modern Christians seem to determined to plant into Christianity's contemporary social organizations. She was a hero because she instilled every ounce of this unconditional love and compassion and understanding and tolerance into her children, one of whom is the most important hero in my life, my father.

What will I always remember about Grandma?

Her expletive of choice was was 'MERCY!'

When, in 2002, she met my partner Steve, she immediately welcomed him into the family by saying, 'why, that Steve, he's Mr. personality PLUS!', something Steve and I have always laughed about since.

I will always remember how hurt she was when Dad came out to her on my behalf. She wondered if I didn't tell her myself because I was afraid of her reaction, and she was bewildered that anyone would think she would do anything but fully embrace me and everything that I am.

She never complained about being sick. Frankly, this could be the crack in her heroism! To claim, as she did, that she never experienced a headache in her life seemed ludicrous. On the other hand, one never focused one iota of attention on the fact that one leg was left disabled by polio in her childhood. I never once heard her complain about pain in her leg. She simply did not want attention paid to her disabilities, leaving people more prone to focus on her abilities...

One time, when I was in Cleveland, Ohio for a meeting with the United Church Coalition for Lesbian/Gay Concerns, an organization with which I did advocacy work after I graduated from Clark University, I met Grandma, Grandpa, and Rete for dinner. I was surprised to see how compromised Rete had become in her old age. She was fully present, although her mind and body had slowed considerably. Grandma cared for her so wonderfully the entire time we were all together. It was really inspirational.

Grandma outlived everyone from her generation of our family. She would always say that she was lonely when I called her in recent years. This wasn't so much because there was nobody around her, and she knew this. She often declared that she was grateful to be at Copeland Oaks where she was surrounded by wonderful people. Rather, I think her loneliness was because the people who had surrounded her earlier in her life were gone. She had cared for Grandpa, Rete, her children and family and friends... in the end she had nobody for whom she was responsible or for whom she was 'the most important person.' It must have been lonely. It must have felt a bit like losing a love. Who fills that space?

I plan to honor Grandma's life by continuing to forge healthy, loving, understanding relationships with everyone who comes into my life. It's a tall order, but I know from Grandma's example I know it can be done.

Tags: Family

Carl says that good luck and bad luck come in the same package. This weekend is evidence in support of his theory.

Friday I had one of the best days I have had in a long time. I attended a rehearsal with Fine Stream Gamelan. I felt quite awkward, attending without knowing a single member of the group on my arrival, but everyone was quite friendly and I felt like I fit right in. Mike Finstrom and his wife were especially sweet to me... making sure I understood the music and could follow along. I could hear a couple other members of the group coaching me quietly by counting along when I became lost. It felt really great to again be playing music as part of an ensemble...

On Saturday, Carl and I discovered that we have copper coming out our hot water faucets. We spent much of the weekend worried that our pipes might be corroding. We are only today able to start calling around to get a plumber to come diagnose the problem. Hopefully it's a minor problem.

On Sunday we had a wonderful brunch with one of Carl's friends, Jack, from San Diego. He is of Chinese descent and speaks Chinese, so we went out for Dim Sum and had some of the best Chinese food I have had in a loooong time. It was nice having someone in the know with us. Yummy! After brunch Carl and I went to a Tucson Symphony Orchestra string quartet concert, which was a treat as well.

Today, however, I have been dealt the worst card I have been dealt all year. When I returned from lunch, I had a voicemail from my Dad informing me that my grandmother, Ernestine Anderson, is quite ill, and it is quite serious. She needs surgery, but cannot have surgery until she recovers from a bout of pneumonia. Kurt, my uncle, is going to fly in to Ohio to be with her, and I will hear more updates soon. I have considered myself lucky to still have three grandparents into my late 30's, but I love grandma dearly and I don't want her to be in pain, or be ill, or die. I am crossing my fingers. Please send good thoughts our way...

Tags: Music, Family